Sad Arse

Despite the season, I'm a sad arse after hearing this terrible news yesterday.

We have lots of time for baboons here at the dung heap, given their emotional intelligence, abstract thinking and group decision making abilities. Plus we like their penchant for violence. Sad their fate was so chilling.

Yet, I guess we should be thankful for small mercies.

At least Harper's locking of the Commons cage did not lead to a similar tragedy. Good thing. The sight of frozen Tory simians strewn across the snow-covered parliamentary lawn after trying to gain access to perform their duties would have been horrible! No?

Small mercies people, small mercies!

Capitalist Crisis Claims Canadian Idol

And to think we two arses were losing faith in capitalism! But this proof that our sorry-assed economic system can still deliver is refreshing.

Like the Dude, we do abide!

Thank you Jesus for capitalism.

Hands off our beaver you nerdy bastards!

Dictionary Shmictionary! Can you believe this?? WTF?!

"Beaver" out. "Blog" in. WTF?!

First Debby the Polar Bear dies, and now this.

A warning to you folks at Oxford press: back off!

We don't mind telling readers that Fat Arse has a stuffed beaver on his escritoire, one he wrangled with his own bare hands back in his "bush"days (after his return from 'Nam). So, yeah, we're deadly serious.

You'll rue the day Oxford if you don't reverse this cockamamie decision.

ARSE-O-theWeek

Reasons?
We'll just stick to the bleeding obvious:

• Hubris
• Duplicitousness
• Arrogance
• Stupidity
• Hubris (oops, got that already)
• Opportunism
• Childishness
  

Don't be fooled by "the academic" on CBC`s The Current who claimed (now get this!) that our PM (The Rt. Honourable Stephen Harper) is actually a "consensus builder" - an ideal afternoon tea companion. Yeah, and Stalin and Hitler were just "misunderstood" and Napoleon loved kittens.

Academics! Pfft! What have they ever done, really? Nothing but a bunch-a parasitic supercilious, self-satisfied, sanctimonious buggers who count angels on the heads of pins and suck the blood of civil society!

Whew! Thank God we don't have an academic for PM, nor are we likely to anytime soon!

Liberal Party X-Rae-d: A new two-headed snake?

It's difficult to fight a two-headed snake and Bob Rae's decision, yesterday proves it. Iggy's political cache and backroom manipulation was just too much for Rae.

Now, the mad ranting Adler on CORUS "entertainment"(?) says Rae is prone to "dramatically fallible judgment". We also wonder if it's true? Now to be clear, we are not questioning Rae's move because some braggadocios, gaseous, hate-filled, little fat-boy on the airwaves is making hay and already saying Iggy's leadership has no legitimacy. No, we are questioning Rae's move, in a sane rational fashion, because it matters.

Was Rae's withdrawal an example of expediency trumping principle? Or was it logic trumping desire? Some, such as Smart Arse, believe Rae's withdrawal is evidence of an astute politician. Realizing his run for the leadership was likely to be fraught with futility; the man did what any logical pol would do - he framed his move as one in the best interests of his party and pledged to back Iggy to the nth degree in the battle against Harper. Others, notably Fat Arse, are skeptical. They wonder whether Iggy's take-no-prisoners leadership strategy has left too bitter an aftertaste in Rae's craw to allow for a working relationship between the two men. Especially where the coalition is concerned. But Fat Arse is willing to take Rae at his word and give him a chance to live up to the very high bar he set for himself yesterday.

Unity, a fleeting commodity within the Liberal party lo these past years may, indeed, be at hand. But it will take two to make it work. And Fat Arse believes it will be up to Iggy to ensure he resists his well-established Machiavellian impulse to control the entire agenda. Only then will it be possible for he and Rae to forge a workable relationship. Should they succeed, Harper may very well soon find himself up against a new two-headed snake - one he cannot beat. Time will tell.

As for the venomous ranting Adler - keep it up fat-boy - we're just waiting for the day you choke on your toxic tongue on-air. It can't be too soon for us.

And now for something completely different: praising the good

Someone in the street the other day said we were nothing but nattering nabobs of negativism. We disagree.

We can spot a silver lining amidst the storm clouds of late capitalist ennui as good as the next arsehole.

For instance, one of the the more glorious, unexpected benefits of the present clusterphuck in Ottawa is the singular absence of this idiot from the airwaves and printing presses of Manitoba.

Praise the good!

ARSE-O-theWeek: albeit a pretty one!

Pretty, but an arse by any other name, for not being able to "grow a pair" and stand up to this bully of a PM.

We're sorry, but unprecedented acts of Harper hubris calls for unprecedented acts of courage, on the part of everyone, especially on the part of Her Excellency. Proroguing was not her only constitutional option - it would have been nice if she had humbled Harper.

Once again, Your Excellency, we are sorry - we mean no offense.

Wee-Hughie Whizzing Wrong Way Again

We got this picture of wee-Hughie sent to us from someone who knew him when he was a young buck roaming the mean streets of Winnipeg.

While it's difficult to tell from the infrared snapshot, it appears to indicate a strong proclivity for pissing into the wind.

Unfortunately, this penchant for pissing the wrong way was confirmed last night, as wee-Hughie stands poised to lead Charles Adler and other local Tory blowhards into The Battle of His Political Life. Huh...?

Forgive us, we thought you were Manitoba's official opposition leader.

A piece of advice: stay away from the protest. Put your willy back in your pants before it freezes all chances you might have of ever being taken seriously as a politician in this province.

Please sir, may we have another bed time story?

Damn near had to give Fat Arse the Heimlich after choking on Harper's little fable last night!

Delivered in what Andrew Coyne, somewhat embarrassingly, called Harper's "small voice," the "speech" was not so much a dialogue with a nation as it was a cautionary tale for us kiddies on the dangers that lurk beyond the forest's edge.

Classic tropes Steve - nice (see also this take on the "crisis" Harper has manufactured).

Not satisfied with bully, Harper has added patronizing ass to his increasingly underwhelming cv.

The prospect of another month of our so-called PM serving up more steaming piles of dung like that, has puckered us right up. In fact, I'm not sure how much more of the PM's bullshit Fat Arse can swallow.

Medic!

The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight

Our favorite dork Tony 'Big Mama' Clement misses the mark when he accuses the Liberals of being the "ready, fire, aim" gang. If anyone is 'target challenged' it's this gang of Tories.

Having aimed too high in his coveted quest for a majority, Harper's inner-bitter child finally got the best of him. Now, as we suggest here, his recklessness has cost him.

With a single-issue (the economy) driving the agenda and the Grits in disarray, the mandate bestowed upon him by the electorate was clear: just govern stupid.

But Lil' Steve just couldn't help himself - he had to politicize the situation. And in such a crass manner as well: a poison pill that he knows no self-respecting politician, least of all himself, could swallow. Instead of keeping his steely eye on the real concerns of Joe & Jane Canuck he has spent his time since the election firing errant shots across the opposition's bow. That's not governing stupid.

Now, having shot himself and his party in the ass (fatally?), he is really pissed.

Or is he? Is the emerging consensus that Harper has buggered his parliamentary position really on target? We thought we'd be the first to ask.

Could this not all be part of Harper's own Machiavellian Führungsplan, whereby a forced and unsteady coalition inevitably fails in the face of such dismal economic realities, and Steve and the gang ride to the rescue and win a majority government?

Are we off the mark? Maybe, but at the very least its something that makes us go hmmm...?

We happen to think Canadians are too smart to swallow that particular Tory pill. But if we are wrong, rest assured bigger guns will be required to take this gang of Tories out lest they do any reall damage.