Coming Soon: Battle of the Office Supplies

Looks like the aresholes, including Vic Grant, were right on this one as WRHA's "brown enevelopes" have been superseded in MSM by Brian Sinclair's death.

But we know wee-Hughie will crank up the hyperbole in that high stakes poker game called Question Period in the spring:

I See Your Brown Envelopes and Raise You a Shredder!

Whose your money on?

The party that practically invented stuffed brown envelopes, got caught rigging votes, shredding the evidence and lying about it and enriched their friends by selling off the provincial phone system?

Or, these other guys whose main fault in 9 years is that they haven't done as much as their friends would have liked?

These guys are watching from the sidelines with their trusty 3-hole punch.

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Groundhog Day Redux

Winnipeg's wee-Hughie came out of his hole today.

He's been so invisible, we were starting to wonder if he done croaked or somepin.


What we were really wondering though is how did he manage to take time away from gnawing on the cardboard shoulder pads of Heather Stefanson's sexy white pantsuit to burrow into the allegedly shady business deals of the WRHA?

Who knows. But here are some interesting facts about the noble land beaver:

• They are the most solitary of the marmots
• They are one of the few species that enter into true hibernation
• They pose a serious threat to development by undermining [the] building [of] foundations
• They prefer to retreat to their burrows when threatened
• When alarmed, they use a high-pitched whistle to warn the rest of the group
• Experts on: "They’re known for their aggression [with] a natural impulse to kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out. You have to work to produce the sweet and cuddly."

Whizzing wee-Hughie may get some traction on this whole WRHA thing - certainly the usual suspects among the local bloggerati have glommed onto it (even though it's probably a tempest in a teapot) - but a more likely result is that Hugh saw nothing but his pathetic shadow and it's six (at least) more years of Doer.

Coming next: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck...

Sign of the Times: Hold on to your Pantses

You know that when mannequins advertising post-stimulus sales are getting pantsed, capitalism's days are numbered.

"You Be Careful with that Nail Gun Stevie, ya Hear"

House and Senate via impolitical beat us to it, but we couldn't not comment on Harper's clumsy handling of the nail gun photo-op on budget day.

You can tell that Steve was having a hard time making it work properly (it's tricky Steve - maybe try sticking your tongue out some more).

The video footage (haven't located a clip yet but this is funny) was even worse - Harpo is clearly severely power tool-challenged. We could almost hear his poor mother screaming at the TV.

What a pathetic display of manliness by our so-called Prime Minister!

Better stick to stuff you are good at like cat-cradling and lying.

And, hey Steve, remember: a good carpenter doesn't blame his tools!

Budget 2009: Harper's Heartless Shitting Machine

Cloaca 5 (at left) turns leftovers into shit. Upon seeing this art story last week we two arseholes naturally thought: "hmmm, art we can relate to." A "heartless shitting machine," one reader called it. Predictably, commentators whined about wasting taxpayer dollars (a $30,000 Canadian Council grant). Are you kidding?

$30,000 for the Perfect Metaphor for Harper's Budget 2009? It's a pittance!

Called "neither blue, nor red" by CBC's Mansbridge, Budget 2009 is a spending budget brought in by a fiscal and ideological conservative to save his political ass. Pure and simple.

Needless to say, we have a different colour in mind for it and Harpo...and you don't have to be a colour wheel expert to figure it out ("take some blue, add some red, a splash of orange, a pinch of green and squeeze").

Stephen Harper and the Conservatives: Priceless.

Dear Freep: Heal Thyself (Please)

Never ones to let being informed get in the way of a good editorial, the Freep has reached new heights of irresponisbility and stupidity in this ill-informed shot at Manitoba's smoking ban:

Why are smoking rooms not allowed everywhere...isolated from the pure-of-lung, they can do no harm and would offer smokers a degree of comfort, instead of the government-imposed pain that outdoor inhaling involves

What the hell were they thinking - or smoking - when they clumsily (albeit perhaps inadvertently) invoked the physician's creed "first, do no harm" (primum non nocere*) to champion smoking rooms? How could the Freep even allow the appearance of using that phrase to support smoking of any kind, anywhere?

And, do they do any research on a subject before putting pen to paper? Like, for example, the fact that second-hand smoke is bad for smokers.

Advice to Freep editors: Cura te ipsum.

*The creed is a sacred reminder - "a hallowed expression of hope [and] humility" - to physicans and health care providers to consider possible harm before intervening with care.

Feed Don't Fail Me Now

Talk about Inauguration Frustration! Anybody else try and watch today's "historic moment" online?

A historic day we were told. A day for the ages! One of those events that will forever beg the question "Where were you when?"

Well, for many of us, the anticipation turned out to be greater than the lived realization. Apparently, too many 'we' were trying to be 'there then' all at once in real time. And, just like on 9/11, the infernal 'Intertube' failed miserably.

Guess this is what happens when too many global citizens care? No access to the moment.

If you were chained to a desk (like me) during the precious moment, you were damned! ISP, IP, live-feed, no feed... arrghh, better we should read?

Damn technology failed us today. Intertube, you boob!

Geebus! Wish I could'a been 'there'!