ARSE-O-theWeek: Stephen "Hurry Hard" Harper

The guy has no shame:

Harper is demanding MPs...bypass normal approval processes for $3-billion of stimulus spending, saying it's imperative to rush aid as the economy falters...he's willing to head to another election should opposition parties block it.

I guess we can forgive him. He's clearly either: a) still stunned from the laying-on of hands he received from beatific Barak, or; b) landed on the set of a cheesy soap and has amnesia.

Our own Bobby Ewing. Fitting. What a disgrace of a PM.

What a filthy disgrace.

Manitoba's Tory Party: Under Construction

Saw this at 10:30 am CST on the PC website:

"Please come back at 9am CST for the launch of the new PC Manitoba website. Thank you."

And a new election slogan for the Hughie-mobile:

"Manitoba's Tories: Better Late Than Never"

UPDATE: it's up, it's up! We are so grateful to have been there for this historic moment (albeit an hour and a half late). It was right up there with Obama, except without the Internet traffic problems...good to see whizzing wee-Hughie is still on the job. He's cool!

UPDATE DEUX: McWho?Tube Hits the Web

Despite being arseholes we are not without our sense of civic duty. And so we have taken the extraordinary step of helping the Tories overcome the technical challenges of launching their new website by hosting wee-Hughie's new video section. Enjoy (it gets really good at about the 30 second mark).



LE TROISIEME UPDATE: Don't you think it "personalizes the leader and shows him at work" just as Curtis desires?

Holiday for Hanging

Belated Louis Riel day greetings (and a nod to Absurd Intellectual) from We Two Arseholes, courtesy of Rilo Kiley. Enjoy.

Eat My Shorts!

It's been quite the soap opera around the dung heap lately!

But I guess it means I don't have to eat Fat Arse's shorts if it turns out I/we were wrong on the WRHA envelopes.

It's quite a relief, as you can well imagine, unless reports of Fat Arse taking to wearing these are true - they look downright tasty!

"Arseholes Solve Sinclair Situation"

Calling for Ministers to resign. That's so yesterday. We two arseholes are way past that!

We've already come up with an innovative solution to the crisis of confidence, so this never happens again.

[Not to worry gentle readers, we haven’t sacrificed the rigorous arsehole method you have come to expect in arriving at this solution]

But first, we'll give you 3 guesses on our proposed replacement for Health Minister:

1. If you guessed this guy you'd have picked a worthy candidate (intelligent, experienced, good in QP), but he’s not the snappiest dresser, and you'd be wrong.


2. If you guessed this gal you’d have picked a veritable pit bull of energy, but she doesn’t exactly ooze compassion - so wrong again.


3. If you guessed this guy, you’d have to be crazy (and wrong).

Give up?

We don't think one person is enough for the Health portfolio, given the size of it’s budget and it’s importance. Our solution calls for a three-person ruling junta comprised of Hugh McFadyen, Myrna Driedger and Jon Gerrard. Here’s how the junta would operate:

• As a doctor, Liberal leader jovial Jon would have the proper credentials to tackle the lack of accountability in physician culture that is the principal barrier to meaningful health care reform in this province/country, a culture that is partially responsible for Sinclair's death.


• As a nurse, Tory Health critic mournful Myrna can whip those lazy, derelict nurses (and triage aides) into shape. Or better, just fire them.


• As a so-called lawyer and former backroom boy, wee-Hughie can advise Brock Wright’s replacement not to say anything (ever), to remove the security cameras from HSC and how to operate the shredding machine.

With this all star team in place, this will never happen again. Oh sure, people like Brian Sinclair will still die (because Myrna will succeed in firing nurses), but we will never know about it (because Dr. Jon will fail and wee-Hughie will succeed). Scandal avoided.

Yup, that should restore confidence in Room 302.

All hail the junta! Hasta la victoria siempre!

UPDATE on "Fishin' for Scandal": we don't know Adam Topp from Adam. Never heard of him in fact, but he made some very sensible points countering the hyperbole on the "brown envelopes" in Sunday's Freep opinion page.

Fishin' for Scandal?

Curtis at Spin Cycle was nice enough to give us props when we started out. We thank him for that. We have lots of time for Curtis. But to have him lump us in with these poor misguided souls was unsettling.

Just because we are on the left (obviously), doesn't mean we are a shill for the government. Unlike the Premier, we prefer to skate on the Left wing - not at Center. Besides, Doer hardly needs our help, wouldn't want it, and wouldn't want to be remotely associated with it! We're too radical for him.

Are we anti-Tory? Sure. But, make no mistake, we don't only throw at the right. In Arsehole 'chute-land' any deserving pol or pundit is fair game. Dung sticks where it belongs! Manitoba's Health Minister and the Premier are no exception (see here). We know we suffer from anal hyperbolitis; but the opposition and media also need to account for their shortcomings. Their recurrent ja' accuse hyperbole is juvenile. The facts please: just the facts.

As for Curtis's analysis of the issue, I find it interesting and insightful. He appears to be saying the government hedges it's bets in how it deals with potential scandals. Fair enough. But by commenting on process rather than context, isn't Curtis doing the same thing (i.e hedging his bets)? Is this issue really worthy? Is it really a 'scandal'?

Bad optics for Doer? Sure. Bad press? ibid. "Scandal"? Hardly.

What we are talking about is standard industry business practice - albeit flawed. And, unfortunately, our Health System is indeed part of an industry so large that today's red flag does little more than distract us from its real problems. Yes, $20M over 8 years is a lot of money. But in perspective, at 1% of the WRHA's annual budget, is this really our biggest problem? Should it be fixed - sure. But, if you want real corruption in health care, take a look at what Siemens has been up to.

The envelopes? Well our guess is they contain "free" supplies, software, support, etc - which we all pay for one way or the other. So, isn't it better it is "free"? Does anyone actually think the bidding mega-corps don't factor in the cost of the "free" stuff into their original bids? Fools.

If the OAG investigation does find that individuals at the WRHA personally profited from the contents of these envelopes: I, Smart Arse, will eat Fat Arse's shorts and post it on YouTube!

In the meantime, we're calling a red herring a red herring. For anyone to seriously think the WRHA tendering process is corrupt is absurd. Only the naive, or politically motivated, would actually try to advance such an argument.

Our health care system has bigger problems. Not the least of which is a Minister of Health who is not up to the job!

Oops!

Oh my.

Looks like somebody pissed somebody else off.

Or maybe it was just a Tory wet dream from the beginning?

Coming Soon: Battle of the Office Supplies

Looks like the aresholes, including Vic Grant, were right on this one as WRHA's "brown enevelopes" have been superseded in MSM by Brian Sinclair's death.

But we know wee-Hughie will crank up the hyperbole in that high stakes poker game called Question Period in the spring:

I See Your Brown Envelopes and Raise You a Shredder!

Whose your money on?

The party that practically invented stuffed brown envelopes, got caught rigging votes, shredding the evidence and lying about it and enriched their friends by selling off the provincial phone system?

Or, these other guys whose main fault in 9 years is that they haven't done as much as their friends would have liked?

These guys are watching from the sidelines with their trusty 3-hole punch.

related

Groundhog Day Redux

Winnipeg's wee-Hughie came out of his hole today.

He's been so invisible, we were starting to wonder if he done croaked or somepin.


What we were really wondering though is how did he manage to take time away from gnawing on the cardboard shoulder pads of Heather Stefanson's sexy white pantsuit to burrow into the allegedly shady business deals of the WRHA?

Who knows. But here are some interesting facts about the noble land beaver:

• They are the most solitary of the marmots
• They are one of the few species that enter into true hibernation
• They pose a serious threat to development by undermining [the] building [of] foundations
• They prefer to retreat to their burrows when threatened
• When alarmed, they use a high-pitched whistle to warn the rest of the group
• Experts on: "They’re known for their aggression [with] a natural impulse to kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out. You have to work to produce the sweet and cuddly."

Whizzing wee-Hughie may get some traction on this whole WRHA thing - certainly the usual suspects among the local bloggerati have glommed onto it (even though it's probably a tempest in a teapot) - but a more likely result is that Hugh saw nothing but his pathetic shadow and it's six (at least) more years of Doer.

Coming next: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck...

Sign of the Times: Hold on to your Pantses

You know that when mannequins advertising post-stimulus sales are getting pantsed, capitalism's days are numbered.